PROLOGUE

i left kenya when i was 24 years
10 months and some days old
two suitcases stuffed with books
unsuitable clothes
for the upcoming winter
my heart creased and lay bleeding
unspeakable burden of choice

unnoticed
unsafe
unable to hide
i am that which is not spoken of

MMVIII (the past )

watching this country
whose soil i still walk on
whose trees i stretch into roots unknown
whose air circulates along
each vein.artery.capillary

untold anguish
fatigued by worry & anxiety
for those i have left behind
friends/family/lover(s)
living within the shadows

this place that had been toiled & mined
from its belly of resources by those
who come by ships bearing guns
& a christ of blue eyes

this place that had been ravaged & raped
& from the ashes come fighters
of now good repute
ushers of self determination
riding on the coattails of independence

it was this place
of grandmothers, grandmothers before
where tracing the contours of another like bodied
touching the lips of mwingine kama mimi
another like myself

my name would not be spoken of again

the place that beckons me while i sleep
burns while i burned inside with shame & silence

MMXI(the present)

i go back and wrap my body along the curves
of each word
along each vowel/consonant/
space in(b)tween
to try & catch the fledgling
shadow of my younger self

she is no where to be find

i rest my head under
the canopy of the beautiful surprise
legs wrapped around singular heart beat
each sigh brings a sound closer to myself

i can speak now

skys above, call out my name

i am no longer afraid

MML ( the unfolding future)

the shame can no longer contain us
we have arisen
we have drunk from the waters of resistance
& self love
taking our rightful places along with those
whose locked hairs & war time stories
sang songs of sweet independence

we are no longer invisible

this crutch. this shame.
is stifling & wilting away
this silence that was forced down
our unassuming mouths & ungrasping hands
has become watered down
by the spirits of those of us
who walked before it was safe to do so

Eudy Simelane
Sizakele Sigasa
Salome Massooa
Noxolo Nogwaza
David Kato

we are emboldened
we are alive
we are free
this is our life.
this is our truth
ukweli. wetu

Muthoni Njogu is inclined to engage in flights of celestial fancy with her two eager four legged sidekicks. A recovering queer/womanist/ writer with scholastic ambitions, she hopes to one day backpack around the world with her twin spirit in tow& engage in culinary delights.

2  4 oz. chicken breasts, skin on

Buttermilk egg wash

Flour to dredge, with 1/2 chopped tarragon added

Buttermilk Waffle mix (I am NOT giving up my recipe!)

100% pure maple syrup

Orange zest

Bourbon (I use Wild Turkey so I can mix it with iced tea later!)

1. Season chicken with salt & pepper, then soak in egg wash for one hour.
2. Mix orange zest, bourbon and syrup, and simmer for 15 minutes.
3. Make waffle batter according to directions.
4. Dredge soaked chicken in flour and fry (I’m sure I don’t have to give instructions on that!)
5. Plate waffle, top with brown butter. Top with chicken and serve syrup on side.

Almost everyone has tried a diet or two in their lifetime. Truth is, diets don’t work. Even if you drop the unwanted pounds quickly, you can rest assure you will gain them back just as quick. Many people starve themselves thinking it is the quick fix to weight loss; but starving yourself only worsens diet fads. Our bodies need food to function properly every day. You can easily get the results that you so desire by making a simple lifestyle change. Instead of fried foods, try baking them. Cook meals at home and put aside eating out at restaurants to avoid unknown calorie consumption.

Incorporate more fruits and vegetables into your daily regime. Eat 5-6 small portioned meals daily with healthy snacks in between each meal. Healthy snacks don’t have to be expensive or time consuming. For example; eating nuts such as almonds, walnuts and peanuts curve your appetite between meals and are packed full of protein and omega-3 oils. Water plays a major role in living a healthy lifestyle as it cleanses the body of toxins and impurities. You should drink a minimum of 8-8 oz. glasses of water daily. Stick to whole grains, legumes and other high fiber foods for a healthy digestive system. It is very important that you know the limits on sugars, fats, and salt. It’s ok to reward yourself from time to time but don’t over indulge.

For most people, greater health benefits can be obtained by engaging in physical activity of more vigorous intensity or longer duration. To sustain weight loss in adulthood, participate in at least 20-30 minutes of daily moderate-intensity physical activity. Eating right combined with physical activity gives you the results you have been seeking in diet plans. Diets have restrictions and restrictions eventually cause failure.

A sit-down meal isn’t always an option. You can choose a healthy alternative to a meal instead of picking up fast food or grabbing a candy bar. Homemade meal replacements offer variety from having the same protein shakes repeatedly and usually can be made with just a few ingredients.

Fruit Meal Replacement Drink: Can be used to replace any meal

For this smoothie you will need:

1cup                skim or low fat milk

1/4 cup            nonfat dry milk

1/4 cup            Splenda or other artificial sweetener

1/2 teaspoon    vanilla

1cup                 frozen mixed fruit

1cup                frozen spinach

Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth. Pour into two tall glasses to share and enjoy.

There are countless taboos and do not’s for those of us identified/labeled as a stud. Are we programmed to constrict people to labels? Do labels accurately define who we are? Labels seem to be all appearance based, with no initial consideration for personality or any other traits. For instance, what exactly earns a lesbian the title of stud/butch? My personal definition of a stud is a female who dresses in traditional male clothing. But does that accurately define who that woman is?

Too often, we voluntarily throw ourselves into the small spaces that allow for labels, and it’s hard for anything or one to grow and flourish in that box. An example of a label is the “touch me not” stud. Meaning exactly what it sounds like…no intimate touching allowed from a femme to a stud, including oral sex. Many “touch me not’s” feel that if they let their woman pleasure them, that it’s emasculating. But there’s a mountain-sized contradiction in that philosophy. If your forte is “acting” like a man, name one straight man that would turn down that type of affection from his woman? I have a theory that can be used to explain this thought process.

Many feminine women, not all, prefer masculine females (studs) to be romantically involved with, why? In a perfect gay world, every lesbian would only have been with a woman. But many females have been involved, and in some cases, even married to a man before. Many women are accustomed to the overall dominance and usual aggression of a male. And even though they are attracted to females, they still seek a lot of those same qualities within their relationships with women. That alone applies pressure on a stud to be “hard”.

When I go out, I see so many studs whom are robots, in the sense of being programmed to talk, walk, and behave in a designated fashion. Just because you put on a t-shirt and a fitted cap doesn’t make you aggressive, or dominant. We’re women, not puppets. The focal point of your life should be working on your individuality, as opposed to your sexuality. Be the best woman you can be, and when that becomes your mission, everything else will fall into place.

Don’t get trapped into everyone’s expectations. Do whatever makes you happy and let that be your foundation. Even in heterosexual relationships, guys are not always the aggressors or dominant, if at all. You have to find compatibility based on individual qualities and gender roles, not labels. If you are a stud who like’s femmes and vice versa, that alone doesn’t make you two compatible. Compatibility takes place beneath the surface. If we as a society didn’t wear clothes at all…who/how would we be then? Like it or not, in this lifestyle especially, how you dress creates your label, which is based on perception, and anything outside of people’s idea of that label is going to be a problem…but let that be their problem, not yours. Labels are a part of our social culture. It’s a way of distinguishing and separating one thing from the next It’s like trying on clothes, it depends on the style, designer, and cut…you can’t just look at the label and say “This is a good fit”…you have to try it own first.

-Ashley Haynes

These are all things most of us have said to ourselves or to others throughout our lives because of wanting more money. Below are five ways to create a small fortune by implementing these financial best practices.

1. Pay Yourself First!
There are tons of books that have been written on this. Always pay yourself first and that amount should be no less than 10% of your take home pay. This amount can be divided into several areas including: emergency savings, retirement account like an IRA, 401K or 403b account. How you allocate it will be based on your current needs.

Now this is very important so pay attention! If you are unable to save 10% right away, you should build towards it. Start out with maybe 5% or a solid dollar amount like $50.

2. Write Everything Down!
This may sound crazy and tedious but it will pay off in the long run. Write down every single penny you spend for an entire pay period to start. Write down your snacks and meals, money you put into a parking meter, or admission to the movies or a club. EVERYTHING! Leave nothing out. This also includes writing down all your monthly, quarterly and yearly expenses, also referred to as a budget. This will help you cut back on or cut out unnecessary expenses all together.

3. Never Pay Full Price!
Paying full price in this day & age is insane, use coupons. Sign up for coupons to be sent to you via mail, text or email. Check out if your favorite restaurant has Early Bird Specials. Shop the clearance section of your favorite designer. The internet is your best friend when you are trying to do competitive shopping and find the best prices.

4. Save up 6 months of living expenses!
Most financial advisors provide you this same advice, however learning from our current economy conditions in this country, I will advise 12 months of living expenses. Please don’t forget expenses that include items like vehicle registration, yearly vacations, membership dues, birthday, anniversary, holiday and/or graduation gifts.

5. NO means NO, even to yourself.
Everyone loves to shop and/or go out to eat. However, if you are saving to reach your goal, for example a down payment on a house, you have to learn how to tell yourself NO and mean it. Keep a reminder of your goal with you. This can be a picture of your dream house, your student loan statement showing a zero balance or the price tag for your beautiful wedding dress.

Saying no encompasses family members as well. We all love our family and friends, however if you don’t have it, don’t lend it out. Lots of relationships have been destroyed over money. Reality court room shows exist due to this fact. Don’t be ashamed to tell a person you don’t have it for them to borrow. Don’t place yourself in an awkward position to not be able to pay one of your bills or waste your time tracking someone down for your money.

Urban Banker was created to provide People of Color financial information that can be immediately applied to their everyday lives. It also gives individuals an opportunity to express their financial goals with a professional who has over 11 years of banking and financial experience. The goal of Urban Banker is to assist, teach and encourage people of color to become financially literate in every aspect of finance, including saving, investments, insurance, banking accounts, home ownership and credit building & repair.

Urban Banker’s financial workshops are available upon requests by calling 267-325-3393 or sending an email request to UrbanBanker6770@yahoo.com.